Feelings of shadow fell before my eyes. I struggled aginst it, willing
my eyes to open and focus on the world around me. Instinct made me reach forward, but I lost my balance slightly, and stumbled
into Sam's arms. "S..orry Sam," was all I could say as he clung to me, trying to steady me. "Tis allright MrFrodo. Are ya
feeling allright?," came his voice close to my ear. But words failed me and I fell forward, losing myself into blissful unconciousness.
I woke slowly, to pain behind my eyes and light that seemed blinding in it's
brilliance. I must have groaned slightly, for the next thing I felt was Sam's arms still around me. He was holding onto me,
stroking my cheek softly. "MrFrodo??," came his voice. I flinched slightly, for the voice was so full of concern I felt the
need to weep and stay in his gentle embrace forever. "Sam..?," I asked, opening my eyes to have them fall on that beautiful
shade of brilliant green staring back at me. He leaned forward, and held me close to him. "Oh...thank the Valar! I was so
worried about you," "What happened Sam?" "You fainted. And we couldn't wake you. I don't think you've recovered quite enough
Frodo...we should have stayed in Rivendell for a while longer." His hands brushed my face again, and I couldn't help but reach
up and hold onto them. "No Sam...I'll be allright really. I just got a bit dizzy, that's all...," Sam looked into my eyes,
questing, probing, to see if I was telling the truth. He always knew everything it seemed. I squeezed his hand softly, and
managed a smile under those green orbs. "How could I not be allright when I have you to look after me Sam?" He smiled finally,
a clear innocent beautiful smile, and my eyes came into focus at last.
His eyes. I always sense his eyes on me. Even when he was younger, I would
always turn to see him watching me. And as time went on, it was me he seemed to trust more than anyone else with his fears
and secrets. It was always to me he would come to when he was frightened or even uncertain about anything. To me he
would beg stories or approval from. To me...and me alone that he would come to at night when he'd have nightmares. And those
eyes...all I had to do was look into them, and Id be lost...drowning willingly into those eyes that always seemed to know
everything without my having to even speak at all. "Come on Sam," I would say comfortingly, pulling his hand as he fell into
the bed next to me. And he would be shaking like a leaf so much that I pulled him closer to me, letting my warmth wash over
him in the darkness. And he would stop shivering...sighing contentedly as we lay together. He pulled my arms around him, so
that I could shield him from everything he had been afraid of. Sometimes I would tell stories for him, other times I would
sing. The songs were soft, and as I'd learned later, they were love songs. But I hadn't known it at the time, and it seemed
to comfort him a great deal.
There seemed to be more and more nights when he would come to me. I was worried
about him immensely, but he always said nothing. Instead he would just cuddle himself next to me, burying his head into my
chest and falling into blissful sleep with his arms around me. I was awake often long after he was, just watching the rise
and fall of his golden head as he slept soundly. My hand often ran through his hair softly in those nights, or along his arm
absently. It was a comforting feeling...even then. I know I should have at one point stopped him coming in the darkness of
night. But I found eventually that it was not just for his comfort, but my own. The truth was that I cherished having him
there with me at night. He seemed to block away all dreams that were anything but pleasant that had haunted me in the past.
No longer did I wake out of breath from those terrible dreams of loss. I had Sam's gentle arms around me...and I felt complete.
I'm not certain of the day I even thought that I loved Sam. And for certain,
I never thought he could feel the same for me. My earliest memory of that feeling was one rainy night. The wind was something
fierce, and the rain and thunder shattered across the Shire like it wanted to rip it apart. I was freezing, suffering from
a slight cold and general feelings of misery and having misplaced something but I couldn't tell what. But then, I heard it.
A sound of footsteps outside my doorway. The door opened, and there, outlined in the light of a lamp in the hallway, stood
Sam. Wet, drenched to the core, but he was there. I felt my intake of breath as I watched him. He was beautiful. He didn't
speak, but stood there for a moment, watching me. There was a look in his eyes that I'd never seen in him before, but it made
me shiver suddenly without knowing why. His breath was slightly heavy, as if he'd been debating on this moment for a time
and wasn't quite sure if he was right to come after all. I almost thought he had turned to stone, for he was so still. I tilted
my head slightly before I whispered his name, "Sam...?"
Then suddenly, his feet moved forward, and he came into the room, closing
the door behind him. I watched transfixed, unable to take my eyes away. The water was dripping off of his curls, which looked
like he had shaken his head slightly to try and dry a bit before he had come to me. I think I was smiling slightly, and I
didn't realize I was holding my breath a little bit until he came forward and layed his hand softly on my cheek. His hands
were cold, but my eyes closed in instinct. And the next thing I knew, I felt Sam's lips cover my own. It was the most amazing
feeling I'd ever known. It was so unexpected, and yet I'd known deep in my heart it would come to this tonight. He'd been
agitated for the past few days, and there had been some sort of strange tension between us in the last week. Whenever we spoke
together alone, it was almost as though there were some electrical storm in the room, far away and yet you could feel that
the pressure was building in the distance. It was almost an instinct that you knew long before it happened, but were powerless
to stop. And you found that it was something you wanted to happen. At first the kiss was light, fleeting and wonderful,
but then suddenly it changed. He pressed his lips to mine, and I could feel his breath against me. Of course I returned the
kiss. I knew then I loved Sam, with everything I had in me. I put my arms around him, wanting him near me, holding me. And
he came to me...filling my body with his warmth. I wasn't freezing any longer.
I remember that kiss even now. Having Sam so close, holding me as he did
that long ago day in the safe borders of the Shire. But we're not safe here...wandering to Mordor, following Gandalf and Aragorn's
wise guidance. But it's Sam who's closest to me. Even though Merry and Pippin are my kin, Sam is just...Sam. There always,
no matter what may happen. Clinging to each other in darkness, a feeling of safety I can't seem to find otherwise. It's a
great comfort to know that he's always within my reach should I wake in the dark. And when I do, his arms fold around me,
saying soft words that comfort me back into sleep. The pain in my shoulder seems to lessen when Sam's arms are around me...like
he somehow draws it away with his presence. I love Sam...I truely do.
He helps me stand finally, after Gandalf comes and deems me allright enough
to walk. But his arm doesn't leave mine, and he stays walking with me, his arm close to me, in case I should falter. I hate
the fact that I must depend on him so. But Sam always seems to take great joy in the times he knows I need him. I was once
very ill not long after I came to live with Bilbo. And in my delirum and constant fevers, I always heard Sam's voice, when
no one else was there. He'd managed to sneak in, and held onto me as long as he could. Always, I heard his soft voice, "Come
on MrFrodo...I know you'll be allright...you have to be. I need you here MrFrodo....I need you here." So I fought back, weariness
and illness aside, I fought back...for Sam. I couldn't dissapoint Sam! I woke almost a week later, with his hand holding mine.
Bilbo told me he never let go...and never left my side for a moment.
It is later in the day when we finally stop for rest. I'm so tired lately...my
energy hasn't quite gotten back to what it was...I'm not certain it ever will. Much to the rest of the Fellowship's protests,
I decline food and go find the spot where Sam has laid out our blankets. I nearly fall into them, covering myself fully and
shivering slighty. I think I've caught a cold now, and I'm dissapointed in myself for allowing it. A short time later, I'm
unaware that the tears have started falling down my cheeks. I feel afraid...miserable...and I hear a voice I don't want to
hear. A siren call...almost silent, but loud enough for me to hear and want to fold myself into. It's something I've never
felt before, a darkness that for once I'm not quite afraid of. It terrifies me, and yet I start to yearn to want it, desire
it to cover me completely.
But then, I feel Sam's arms fold around me instead, and I turn and bury myself
into his warmth, sobbing like there is no end. I'm hurting. I've been trying my best to ignore it...the constant pain...but
at night....it just gets worse. But it's Sam's turn to sing me soft songs. And his voice drowns out the other voice in the
night. I sigh audibly when the call vanishes...drowned out by such love that it cannot stay. And Sam stops for a moment, and
takes my hand in his. And with shock, I noticed that my hand was clutching the Ring. When did that happen? I looked into Sam's
eyes, and noticed then that he was watching me with great pity in his heart. Another sob from me, and his arms fold me as
close to him as he can dare to get out here. Even though Sam has laid our things a bit away from the rest of the Fellowship,
he knows this cannot be the place to express his love for me. But just in the way he holds onto me, and drives out the calls
of darkness, that is the only love I see. He's just...Sam. Wonderful, beautiful, caring Sam. And I love him for it. I know
that it's he that will remain with me, no matter if I try and protest. It's me he's come to, through the ultimate nightmare
for us both. And in a vision that flashes before me, I know it will be Sam beside me when I finally find the strength to wake.