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Fan Fiction

The Influence of Samwise Gamgee
WRITTEN BY: TeresaRoseWood
RATING: U, M for some slash suggestions, mostly fluff based.
WARNINGS:  None.  Nope don't own these characters...Tolkien just let them come to me in my dreams and as my Guardians.
SUMMARY: Frodo's reflections on dreams of the past, and of his relationship with Sam. 


Feelings of shadow fell before my eyes. I struggled aginst it, willing my eyes to open and focus on the world around me. Instinct made me reach forward, but I lost my balance slightly, and stumbled into Sam's arms. "S..orry Sam," was all I could say as he clung to me, trying to steady me. "Tis allright MrFrodo. Are ya feeling allright?," came his voice close to my ear. But words failed me and I fell forward, losing myself into blissful unconciousness.

I woke slowly, to pain behind my eyes and light that seemed blinding in it's brilliance. I must have groaned slightly, for the next thing I felt was Sam's arms still around me. He was holding onto me, stroking my cheek softly. "MrFrodo??," came his voice. I flinched slightly, for the voice was so full of concern I felt the need to weep and stay in his gentle embrace forever. "Sam..?," I asked, opening my eyes to have them fall on that beautiful shade of brilliant green staring back at me. He leaned forward, and held me close to him. "Oh...thank the Valar! I was so worried about you," "What happened Sam?" "You fainted. And we couldn't wake you. I don't think you've recovered quite enough Frodo...we should have stayed in Rivendell for a while longer." His hands brushed my face again, and I couldn't help but reach up and hold onto them. "No Sam...I'll be allright really. I just got a bit dizzy, that's all...," Sam looked into my eyes, questing, probing, to see if I was telling the truth. He always knew everything it seemed. I squeezed his hand softly, and managed a smile under those green orbs. "How could I not be allright when I have you to look after me Sam?" He smiled finally, a clear innocent beautiful smile, and my eyes came into focus at last.

His eyes. I always sense his eyes on me. Even when he was younger, I would always turn to see him watching me. And as time went on, it was me he seemed to trust more than anyone else with his fears and secrets.  It was always to me he would come to when he was frightened or even uncertain about anything. To me he would beg stories or approval from. To me...and me alone that he would come to at night when he'd have nightmares. And those eyes...all I had to do was look into them, and Id be lost...drowning willingly into those eyes that always seemed to know everything without my having to even speak at all. "Come on Sam," I would say comfortingly, pulling his hand as he fell into the bed next to me. And he would be shaking like a leaf so much that I pulled him closer to me, letting my warmth wash over him in the darkness. And he would stop shivering...sighing contentedly as we lay together. He pulled my arms around him, so that I could shield him from everything he had been afraid of. Sometimes I would tell stories for him, other times I would sing. The songs were soft, and as I'd learned later, they were love songs. But I hadn't known it at the time, and it seemed to comfort him a great deal.

There seemed to be more and more nights when he would come to me. I was worried about him immensely, but he always said nothing. Instead he would just cuddle himself next to me, burying his head into my chest and falling into blissful sleep with his arms around me. I was awake often long after he was, just watching the rise and fall of his golden head as he slept soundly. My hand often ran through his hair softly in those nights, or along his arm absently. It was a comforting feeling...even then. I know I should have at one point stopped him coming in the darkness of night. But I found eventually that it was not just for his comfort, but my own. The truth was that I cherished having him there with me at night. He seemed to block away all dreams that were anything but pleasant that had haunted me in the past. No longer did I wake out of breath from those terrible dreams of loss. I had Sam's gentle arms around me...and I felt complete.

I'm not certain of the day I even thought that I loved Sam. And for certain, I never thought he could feel the same for me. My earliest memory of that feeling was one rainy night. The wind was something fierce, and the rain and thunder shattered across the Shire like it wanted to rip it apart. I was freezing, suffering from a slight cold and general feelings of misery and having misplaced something but I couldn't tell what. But then, I heard it. A sound of footsteps outside my doorway. The door opened, and there, outlined in the light of a lamp in the hallway, stood Sam. Wet, drenched to the core, but he was there. I felt my intake of breath as I watched him. He was beautiful. He didn't speak, but stood there for a moment, watching me. There was a look in his eyes that I'd never seen in him before, but it made me shiver suddenly without knowing why. His breath was slightly heavy, as if he'd been debating on this moment for a time and wasn't quite sure if he was right to come after all. I almost thought he had turned to stone, for he was so still. I tilted my head slightly before I whispered his name, "Sam...?"

Then suddenly, his feet moved forward, and he came into the room, closing the door behind him. I watched transfixed, unable to take my eyes away. The water was dripping off of his curls, which looked like he had shaken his head slightly to try and dry a bit before he had come to me. I think I was smiling slightly, and I didn't realize I was holding my breath a little bit until he came forward and layed his hand softly on my cheek. His hands were cold, but my eyes closed in instinct. And the next thing I knew, I felt Sam's lips cover my own. It was the most amazing feeling I'd ever known. It was so unexpected, and yet I'd known deep in my heart it would come to this tonight. He'd been agitated for the past few days, and there had been some sort of strange tension between us in the last week. Whenever we spoke together alone, it was almost as though there were some electrical storm in the room, far away and yet you could feel that the pressure was building in the distance. It was almost an instinct that you knew long before it happened, but were powerless to stop.  And you found that it was something you wanted to happen.  At first the kiss was light, fleeting and wonderful, but then suddenly it changed. He pressed his lips to mine, and I could feel his breath against me. Of course I returned the kiss. I knew then I loved Sam, with everything I had in me. I put my arms around him, wanting him near me, holding me. And he came to me...filling my body with his warmth. I wasn't freezing any longer.

I remember that kiss even now. Having Sam so close, holding me as he did that long ago day in the safe borders of the Shire. But we're not safe here...wandering to Mordor, following Gandalf and Aragorn's wise guidance. But it's Sam who's closest to me. Even though Merry and Pippin are my kin, Sam is just...Sam. There always, no matter what may happen. Clinging to each other in darkness, a feeling of safety I can't seem to find otherwise. It's a great comfort to know that he's always within my reach should I wake in the dark. And when I do, his arms fold around me, saying soft words that comfort me back into sleep. The pain in my shoulder seems to lessen when Sam's arms are around he somehow draws it away with his presence. I love Sam...I truely do.

He helps me stand finally, after Gandalf comes and deems me allright enough to walk. But his arm doesn't leave mine, and he stays walking with me, his arm close to me, in case I should falter. I hate the fact that I must depend on him so. But Sam always seems to take great joy in the times he knows I need him. I was once very ill not long after I came to live with Bilbo. And in my delirum and constant fevers, I always heard Sam's voice, when no one else was there. He'd managed to sneak in, and held onto me as long as he could. Always, I heard his soft voice, "Come on MrFrodo...I know you'll be have to be. I need you here MrFrodo....I need you here." So I fought back, weariness and illness aside, I fought back...for Sam. I couldn't dissapoint Sam! I woke almost a week later, with his hand holding mine. Bilbo told me he never let go...and never left my side for a moment.

It is later in the day when we finally stop for rest. I'm so tired energy hasn't quite gotten back to what it was...I'm not certain it ever will. Much to the rest of the Fellowship's protests, I decline food and go find the spot where Sam has laid out our blankets. I nearly fall into them, covering myself fully and shivering slighty. I think I've caught a cold now, and I'm dissapointed in myself for allowing it. A short time later, I'm unaware that the tears have started falling down my cheeks. I feel afraid...miserable...and I hear a voice I don't want to hear. A siren call...almost silent, but loud enough for me to hear and want to fold myself into. It's something I've never felt before, a darkness that for once I'm not quite afraid of. It terrifies me, and yet I start to yearn to want it, desire it to cover me completely.

But then, I feel Sam's arms fold around me instead, and I turn and bury myself into his warmth, sobbing like there is no end. I'm hurting. I've been trying my best to ignore it...the constant pain...but at just gets worse. But it's Sam's turn to sing me soft songs. And his voice drowns out the other voice in the night. I sigh audibly when the call vanishes...drowned out by such love that it cannot stay. And Sam stops for a moment, and takes my hand in his. And with shock, I noticed that my hand was clutching the Ring. When did that happen? I looked into Sam's eyes, and noticed then that he was watching me with great pity in his heart. Another sob from me, and his arms fold me as close to him as he can dare to get out here. Even though Sam has laid our things a bit away from the rest of the Fellowship, he knows this cannot be the place to express his love for me. But just in the way he holds onto me, and drives out the calls of darkness, that is the only love I see. He's just...Sam. Wonderful, beautiful, caring Sam. And I love him for it. I know that it's he that will remain with me, no matter if I try and protest. It's me he's come to, through the ultimate nightmare for us both. And in a vision that flashes before me, I know it will be Sam beside me when I finally find the strength to wake.

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