Utterly exhausted, I collapse onto the hot ground.  Its near burning but it seems to feel cooler here.  I'm freezing, and yet burning hot at the same time.  No food to speak of, no water to be found now.  And behind me always is Sam.  Faithful always, loving, trusting Sam.  He comes toward me and picks me up carefully in his arms.  Such a gentle embrace, like he's afraid I might fade away in front of his eyes.  But yet as I think this, I realize that I have.  Faded beyond the friend he's known most of his life.  Faded beyond the quiet MrFrodo of the Shire who used to...what was it again?  Memory lost...though it's only in Sam's embrace that I ever remember or want to.  I want to remember what he does...the love he does.  His tears fall on my cheek, water wasted on me.  It's hard for him.  He was once so full of hope, and now...it's being lost too.  For more than once, he's afraid of losing me, and finally himself.  I wish so much that I could take him back...go with him.  But we can't yet dear Sam...it's not yet time.  "Do you remember the Shire MrFrodo?"  But no Sam...my only memory is through you...with you.  Every other day has faded away with the mountain of fire that grows ahead of us.  Everyone memory gone like faded ink upon lost writings and poems I never gave you.  There was so much Sam...so much I wanted to tell you...to show you.  But I never got the chance. 

How could I show you how much you meant to me?  What you did everyday to make me more alive...appreciate the things around me so much more than I ever could.  I looked because you asked it of me, with your hazel green eyes begging me to come with you and see all you'd done.  See everything you'd become.  Was it then Sam?  In our wanderings around the Shire that you wanted to tell me how much you cared as well?  But I could see it in your eyes Sam.  See how much love you carried with you, and through your entire being.  So much love Sam.  And it could only come from who you were, and what you could do.  None other Sam would have even noticed I was there.  But you did.  You seemed to make it your solumn duty to look after me...even from such a young age.  You never noticed I saw you watching me.  You never saw how your eyes sparkled with an amazing light when they followed me everywhere I went.  You seemed almost afraid I would leave you if I ever were out of your sight...even then.  So you kept close to me...and I'm not certain it's because Bilbo encouraged our friendship.  Oh no Sam...you were with me from the moment we saw each other...so long ago.

"Do you remember the taste of strawberries?"  Taste?  No Sam.  Taste is lost.  Life is lost.  Mind is gone, to show only a great wheel in front of me.  I can't even remember the taste of you dear Sam...not even now as your salty wonderful tears fall and leave a trail to my parched lips.  Was this what strawberries tasted like?  Salty like the sea....the sea.

*****

We're moving again, though only by your strength of will alone.  I no longer can move, can feel, can do anything of my own will.  It's lost, much like we are now.  Lost forever to our friends, our family, our life.  For what is there at the end of our journey Sam?  A great ocean of fire...burning though thought and time, taking forever the life we knew.  But you remain my strength Sam.  You remain everything I've ever loved or wanted.

The time had come, but at the end I couldn't bring myself to let go.  To let go would have meant to let go of you...let go of us being together throughout this terrible ordeal.  It has only let me remember that you have been with me throughout this.  Only you could have wanted to or come without question.  In its end, it was someone else who needed it more than I did.  I saw then, that you were not with it...not with me.  When you reached out your hand I just wanted to let go.  To spare you of the torment I'd become, the sorrow I'd brought you.  But when I looked in your eyes Sam, I knew that nothing had changed for you.  You still loved me, no matter what I became.  You still beleived in me...and in the two of us together.  "Don't let go."  It was not a question...or something that you'd let me think about.  I was beyond thought then...except one.  Pain, exhaustion, competely nothing, and yet there was still one thought left.  You.  You Sam, who brought me from the brink of death...to have me come with you.  You alone who would have risked everything like this.  It wasn't ever a question of master and servant...but ultimate love.  What else could it have ever been?  Everything I ever was came to me in you...because of you.  You brought me to life Sam...and I almost never told you. 

Surrounded by lava, all hope fades into nothing.  I can finally see what I've been missing.  Memories of home, of being safe, of being loved.  Memories of you and I, being safe back home where we were meant to be.  Not here in the pits of darkness...but in the fields of light.  The Shire Sam.  Where everyday could be a new adventure...something to just dream about or remember as we looked back on it.  Reflect on how wonderful it was to be home at all.  To have survived...

*****

But even now, sitting here writting this journal, I know it's not everything I'd dreamed of.  I'd never dreamed of having pain with me everyday of my life, of remembering so much and so often that I can hardly stand at times for the despair and the ultimate hurt.  I saw your hurts Sam.  I was your suffering.  And now I know there can be no other way.  However much you tried, however much you or I wanted it to be...I know now it wont...not yet...not for a long time.  We were meant to go together Sam.  But you have so much you need to do yet.  So much that I can't be a part of.  The pain is beyond hope, beyond what I can go through.  Beyond even what you can bring me.

A noise behind me, and there you are.  Coming to me like you always have, like you always will.  Your arms fold around me, taking me in your arms in that forever gentle embrace.  But its one I can never find anywhere else.  One that fills me with everything I've ever loved or felt.  When I'm with you like this Sam, I can remember what feeling is.  What love feels like.  I know by the look in your eyes how much you love me, how much your eyes are begging me to stay with you yet. 

*****

The shore has spoken Sam.  Brought me something I thought was fading away.  Any feeling, any life, any chance at all.  It lies across the Sea.  And I know when I  hear Gandalf's words say quietly, "It is time Frodo,"  that I hear your breath like it has come from me.  I know your heart Sam...and I know that my leaving will break it.  But I need to feel you.  Hugging Merry and then Pippin, I know all I want is to be caught in your embrace again.  And from the moment I touch you and your arms fold around me for the thousandth time if not more, there is no place I'd rather be than here with you, and right at this moment.  There is no other life than this...there is no other time.  I know dear Sam as I whisper in your ears, "We will meet again dear Sam.  When the gulls call, and the Sea moans...we will meet again.  It's never the end with the two of us together Sam.  I love you."  And it is only then that you relax at last, that I can let go of you and not be afraid that you'll follow me without question.  Your tears are filled with a hope that wont ever let go of you.  Not through time nor life, nothing can ever take that feeling away from you.  It's in your eyes for all to see, that determination to have your one wish fullfilled.  And as each year passes, it grows in your eyes so much that your heart hears it above all else. 

*****

As the years have gone by, I have watched you grow.  Watched your life, watched your eyes.  I can feel you even now, and I know that the time is coming.  And as you step off the boat that has brought you here, you stumble slightly at seeing me.  Your greatest wish is standing before your eyes, and you are almost afraid to move, in case it may be yet a dream.  But all fears vanish, as you look into my eyes and I look into yours.  It might have been yesterday.  Yet once again, after so very long, I fall into your embrace.  I wont let go Sam.  Not this time...not ever again.  I know now that this was where I belonged.  This was where we were meant to be.  And your soft words tell me everything.  "I love you Frodo...I need you still...please stay with me."  I have no words to express this feeling Sam.  This ultimate feeling of true and honest love that fills my heart and overflows into my eyes and become tears.  Tears of being whole...of being one at last.  I went looking for peace Sam...but I only found it when you stepped into my arms again.  Until I fell into your embrace forever.  And here is where I always shall be...in the arms of Samwise Gamgee.